Wonder Woman and Transformers: The Last Knight

http://wonderwomanfilm.com

I wasn’t going to write a review for Wonder Woman. It came out weeks ago, and since then lots of people have reviewed it in much more eloquent terms than I am able. However, I do have things to say, and after seeing the latest Transformers movie last night (haha - the last knight, last night) I felt it was about time I stopped hiding behind other people’s opinions and once again voiced my own. 

Wonder Woman first as that’s the older of the two films…

So much was riding on it. As a woman who is a fan of the superhero genre I know more than most how important this film was. And how important it was that it be good. 

Between Marvel and DC I’d certainly say that Marvel has had more success of late when it comes to the movie side of the business. DC’s films on the other hand have wavered for years. Batman has seen some great successes and some epic failures. In my opinion Man of Steel was a big steaming pile of shite, and Batman Vs Superman’s only saving grace was the introduction of Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman - Diana Prince. 

The buzz for her own movie soon overtook the mumbles about how shoddy BvS was and even put Suicide Squad in the shade.

After all of that anticipation I’m sad to say I didn’t love it. However, much like the female Ghostbusters movie, I can still see it’s value in terms of finally giving us a female lead superhero movie. 

And I want to state off the bat that my underwhelming response to Wonder Woman had nothing to do with Gal Gadot who I thought was perfectly cast as Diana, nor did it have anything to do with the opening sequences on Themyscira which were glorious. 

In all honestly I just thought it was too similar to Captain America: The First Avenger. Once we got out of Themyscira she took on a secret identity, brought a bunch of drunk rapscallions together in a pub to go on a dangerous mission to the front lines of the first world war, lost someone she loved, defeated the bad guy and ended up in the present day looking exactly the same as she did 70 years ago.

I’ve seen that movie. I liked that movie. But I’ve definitely seen it. 

As such, and as much as I hate to say this, I was a little bored by Wonder Woman.

Now, before you all lynch me, I’ve read the excerpts of the Joss Whedon Wonder Woman script and I know that everyone involved in the film, as well as the audience of millions around the world who made Wonder Woman a box office smash, dodged a massive bullet there. Wonder Woman deflected it nicely off her indestructible bracelets if you will.

I’m not saying that the movie was bad. I’m just saying it’s not the Wonder Woman story I’d have chosen to tell. 

But am I glad it was made? Yes. Am I glad it was directed by a woman? Of course I am. Will I go and see another Wonder Woman movie. Bet your god damn ass I will. 

The cast was fantastic. The costumes were divine. The sets spectacular. Everything was right with this film except the storyline, and that’s only in my one opinion. I am still so glad that the movie was made, that it has done brilliantly at the box office, and I genuinely hope it paves the way for more female superhero movies, more female directors and writers, and just more women in general. Doing what we do best*.

*For anyone in doubt, what women do best is showing men how it should be done.

http://www.transformersmovie.com

That leads me perfectly into Transformers: The Last Knight. AKA men doing everything wrong yet again. 

I have two questions for you. 1) how does Michael Bay keep getting funding to make movies? 2) why does Hollywood keep hiring Akiva fucking Goldsman?

This has to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. And that’s saying something when the above review mentioned Man of Steel. 

I can honestly say that there is nothing I like about this film. Not a single god dammed thing. 

So shall we talk about what I didn’t like? Get comfy: 

The overly sexualised 14 year old. Did she need to be pouty and crying in EVERY scene? Did she need to be running in slow motion in a low cut vest top? She is supposed to be 14 remember.  What’s worse is that I don’t know why any actress, especially knowing the sexism that Megan Fox endured on the first and second Transformers movies, would read the script for this and think yes, that is a film I want to do. Jesus girls, aim way fucking higher if only for your own self worth. 

Excusing my language there that is another gripe I have. The unnecessary amount of language in the movie. It serves no purpose whatsoever to have a sweary robot butler. In fact the robot butler in general served no purpose and I honestly have no idea why it was ever included, let alone why it made the final cut of the movie. 

It’s too long, like all of the Transformers movies before it. By the time it got to the point I’d already taken my time going for a pee because I knew I wasn’t going to miss anything. And I didn’t. The plot’s culmination was obvious from the outset and so full of holes you could have played golf on it. Add in the return of Agent Simmons, a character who was annoying in the first movie, a bunch of great actors who are totally wasted, and a sub-plot involving a woman who must be the scourge of existence because she doesn’t have a man (spoiler alert - she does by the end of the movie wink wink); and there you have the whole sorry mess that is The Last Knight. I can only hope it is the last Transformers movie too.

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit

http://www.shadowrecruitmovie.co.uk

Having never seen any of the previous incarnations of Jack Ryan (Alec Baldwin in The Hunt For Red October - Harrison Ford in Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger - Ben Affleck in The Sum Of All Fears), my only reason for wanting to see the new movie was that it looked to be the only decent thing out on a Saturday night. Well, that and Chris Pine isn't exactly a chore to watch.

We open on a young Jack Ryan (Pine) as he studies Economics in London in 2001. The day we join him just happens to be September 11th, a date which prompts him to change careers and join the marines. An incident involving a helicopter he was flying in then puts him in the path of his future wife Cathy (Knightley) and his future employer, Thomas Harper (Costner) of the CIA. Ryan takes on an analyst position within the agency and when we fast forward 10 years we see him involved in a case to take down a Russian firm run by Viktor Cherevin (Branagh). Ryan has been gathering intelligence on Cherevin that shows suspicious amounts of US dollars have been going missing, all seemingly related to the Russian company, which could lead to a collapse of the US economy. 

The story isn't all that gripping, and I must admit that I had to piece most of my synopsis together from IMDb and Wikipedia as I couldn't really remember the plot all that well. That probably tells you all you need to know about the movie. It's very stylish, but there isn't an awful lot of substance here. It's what I like to call a pure popcorn movie. Leave your brain at the door and you'll enjoy it just fine.

Which begs the question, why on earth did any of the actors involved want to do it? And moreover, why the hell did Branagh want to not only direct this uninspiring film, but star in it too? Don't even get me started on why he would want to put on a terrible Russian accent in order to give himself a role? The other actors, Pine, Knightley and Costner all do an admirable job of playing it seriously, which just makes me wish this was a better movie for them all. Yes, even Costner is decent. I know, I was shocked too.

It's not terrible, but it won't leave much of a lasting impression. Other than how bad Branagh's accent is. 6.5 out of 10.

 

Viewing Date - 25th January 2014

UK Release Date - 24th January 2014

Cast Overview:

Jack Ryan ~ Chris Pine

Cathy Muller ~ Keira Knightley

Thomas Harper ~ Kevin Costner

Viktor Cherevin ~ Kenneth Branagh

Director ~ Kenneth Branagh

Writer(s) ~ Adam Cozad and David Koepp - Based on characters created by Tom Clancy

Star Trek Into Darkness

http://www.startrekmovie.com/

The 2009 Star Trek reboot opened with a spectacular sequence which changed the Trek universe completely. Not only by giving the franchise a fresh cast and using the latest technology to take us into the twenty third century, but also by changing events that take place prior to Captain James T Kirk's birth. Events that changed the entire future of the Trek movies, and which moved me more than any Trek film that had gone before. 

I must confess that I'd never been a fan of the original series, or the original movies. I became a trekkie around the age of 12 when I developed a crush on Wil Wheaton (see here for the full scoop on that) and started watching Star Trek The Next Generation. And that's also where my interest piqued, as I never got into watching Deep Space Nine or Voyager. But there was something about J.J. Abrams reboot that made me want to see it, namely my affection for Simon Pegg who'd landed the role of Scotty, but it was more than that. And after seeing the film and loving it, I was amongst the millions of born again Trekkies who couldn't wait for the next installment. 

Warp 4 years into the future and here we are with Star Trek Into Darkness, a sequel to Star Trek, which changed history, so will it follow any of the story arcs of the previous Star Trek sequel - Star Trek The Wrath of Khan? *There may be spoilers ahead...*

We re-join the Captain and crew of the USS Enterprise as they attempt to save an indigenous race from extinction, from a volcano that is about to erupt on their home planet. Kirk (Chris Pine) and McCoy (Karl Urban) create a diversion that allows Spock (Zachary Quinto) to freeze the volcano's lava, before it can erupt and destroy the race's sacred temple. Unfortunately, the crew are unable to make their departure from the planet without being seen, which violates the prime directive of Starfleet. This leads Kirk to get stripped of his rank and sent back to the Academy. Or at least that's what we're intended to see. 

*What follows is all in the trailer so no real spoilers from here on out* What actually happens is that the baddie of the hour, John Harrison (Benedict Cumberbatch), hell bent on destroying Starfleet, blows up the commanding officer's meeting, just as they were discussing what to do about him. Kirk finally steps up to the plate over what happened and asks to be put in command of a secret mission to take Harrison down. Will Kirk do the right thing? Or will his emotions get the better of him. And will Spock ever allow his Vulcan side drop long enough for his human emotions to shine through?  

Well to find out you will have to see the film as I'm not giving that away! Those who are familiar with the story line from Wrath Of Khan will definitely see the similarities, and will either enjoy these nods or will hate them. I myself enjoyed them, but then I'm not precious about the original films so I can't speak for everyone. I thought the story moved at a good pace, and the action set pieces, as with the previous film, were outstanding. There were also some nice surprises, even if you are familiar with Wrath Of Khan, so if you're a fan of the original films don't write Into Darkness off before you see it.

Another successful Trek and I for one can't wait for the third installment. I just hope J.J.'s not too busy with Star Wars to take the helm for the third time. As I suspect, if he hands over to someone who'll use less lense flare than he would, it'll be a different experience entirely. 8 out of 10.

Viewing Date - 9th May 2013

UK Release Date - 9th May 2013

Cast Overview:

Chris Pine ~ Kirk

Zachary Quinto ~ Spock

Zoe Saldana ~ Uhura

Karl Urban ~ Bones

Simon Pegg ~ Scotty

John Cho ~ Sulu

Anton Yelchin ~ Chekov

Bruce Greenwood ~ Pike

Peter Weller ~ Marcus

Alice Eve ~ Carol

Benedict Cumberbatch ~ John Harrison

Noel Clarke ~ Thomas Harewood

Director ~ J.J. Abrams

Writer(s) ~ Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman and Damon Lindelof

Based on the Television series Star Trek by Gene Roddenberry

Star Trek Into Darkness Premiere

The Empire Cinema in Leicester Square getting prepped to boldly go Into Darkness

After the date for the Iron Man 3 Premiere was moved, meaning my cinema buddy couldn't go, we decided to (boldly) go to the Star Trek Into Darkness Premiere. One of the girls I met at the Iron Man 3 Premiere had said she would try to come along in the afternoon, so all we had to do was sit in the sun in Leicester Square and wait for the stars to arrive.

The White Carpet for the Premiere

The first piece of bad luck happened on arrival as my cinema buddy realised he'd left his memory card in his laptop at home! D'oh! One warp speed dash to Boots later and a new memory card was purchased. Disaster averted. We sat down on the grass to eat our lunch when the second piece of bad luck happened. I got pooped on by a (Klingon War)bird. 

Spock quite rightly seems a little annoyed about this turn of events, and understandably so was I. However, this is not my first time at a Premiere and I was equipped with all sorts of anti-bacterial gels and wipes, and another warp speed dash (this time to Leicester Square's toilet facilities) later I was poop free and ready for my close up. 

But enough about me, you're here to hear about the stars! And stars there were! As with any Premiere there were minor celebrities galore, X-Factor Boyband Union J anyone? The Voice's Bo Bruce? Nah, we're not interested in them! We want the big names. Well don't say I don't give you big names!

The first guys from the Star Trek galaxy to walk the white carpet and be interviewed were the writers Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman, followed by writer/producer Damon Lindelof

Next up was British Actor Noel Clarke who is new to the Star Trek franchise and who's role in the film was shrouded in mystery. He spent ages with the crowd, signing autographs and taking pictures with fans.

He was followed by the man I had gone to the Premiere to see - Simon Pegg. He spent ages with the crowds too and signed for me and my buddy.

Next to breeze past the waiting fans were Zoe Saldana and Karl Urban. Regrettably neither came to sign for the fans waiting in the section I was standing in. Although my cinema buddy did manage to weave in and out of the crowd to get these shots of them

British Actress Alice Eve, who is new to the franchise, spent ages with the crowds and signed my Empire magazine (you can just see it under the thing she's signing in the second pic).

Captain Kirk himself Chris Pine was next to grace us with his presence, and not only did he sign for everyone waiting on the edge of the white carpet...

 ...after he was interviewed he leapt over the crowd to go and sign and take pictures with people standing in Leicester Square too. A true hero!

Here he is putting pen to my Empire magazine

Director J.J. Abrams also spent a long time with the crowds and even spent some time chatting to a lady behind me. Again he signed for me and my buddy and seemed like a really nice guy. My buddy managed to get a picture of him as he switched places with Chris Pine who was coming back down the line from his interview. They had a little giggling exchange and it was a lovely moment captured.

Regrettably Zachary Quinto who plays Spock did not have time to sign for us as he was rushed over to be interviewed and then whisked inside. But my cinema buddy did manage to get some snaps of him too 

Benedict Cumberbatch who plays villain John Harrison also had no time to sign for us and in fact we only managed to snap him on his way back out as the stars came out of the cinema for a cast photo, before they left for the after party, or in the case of Pine and Cumberbatch, as they headed to film The Graham Norton Show. 

We had a really great day at the Premiere. Again met some lovely people and got some impressive signatures to add to the collection.

All photos (with the exception of the first 3) are courtesy of Blair Holmes, photographer and sandwich maker extraordinaire. Image of Spock courtesy of Google images.