Why The Justice League Movie Didn’t Work... For Me

Isn’t it ironic that I was both listening to Ironic today (because I could hear my neighbour singing it really out of tune) and that my last film review over a year ago was for Wonder Woman. Which was by no means a perfect film, but which was so much better than Justice League. 

Now I’m aware that Justice League had issues from the start. Director Zack Snyder having to abandon the production for personal reasons and Joss Whedon taking over. Production that massively overran due to said unforeseen issues. And then extensive reshoots as if the production schedule wasn’t long enough. 

All of these are evident in the film, not least because of Henry Cavill’s face having been very badly CGI’d in almost EVERY scene he’s in. I mean he basically had to reshoot all of his scenes bar one it seems. That’s excessive even for a film with this many problems. 

Of course I don’t need to talk about my feelings towards Zack Snyder or Joss Whedon as I think my reviews of both Man Of Steel and Avengers: Age of Ultron speak for themselves on that front. But I do feel I have to address the elephant in the room, which is that this is basically Avengers but in the DC universe? Alien army invasion, team of heroes need to be brought together to fight the army, they don’t get on, but then (spoiler alert) they come together anyway to save mankind. There’s even a line in the movie about the team’s billionaire Tony Sta... sorry, Bruce Wayne “finally playing well with others”. Mmm where have I heard that before? 

I know it was written by the same man who wrote Avengers but come ON. That’s no excuse for him seemingly having only one idea and re-working it for a different group of heroes. 

But the main reason it didn’t work for me is the complete lack of care I felt for the characters. Not wishing to sound like a stuck record (because I’m pretty sure I said that I didn’t care about Clark/Superman in my lengthy Man of Steel review), but one of the reasons Avengers Assemble works is that you have already established most of the heroes in their own movie (not bitter about Hawkeye AT ALL). Even Black Widow, who might not have had a stand alone film, had a huge role in Iron Man 2, establishing her character straight off the bat. 

With Justice League we’ve had a Superman movie that turned the beloved character of Clark Kent into an afterthought, Batman V Superman in which the only likeable character was Wonder Woman, and a Wonder Woman movie that was basically a female version of Captain America: The First Avenger. Hardly a basis for getting to know the team before they become a team. 

In Justice League they try (and fail) to cram three other characters back stories into about half an hour of screen time (woo 10 mins each!), then the big bad shows up, Bruce tries to rally the troops but Superman is dead and everyone else apart from Barry (whom I love) hates him, then they somehow overcome their obstacles really quickly and form the team, but then the end still manages to drag on for another hour. 

They waste the Thimyscirans, they objectify Diana far too much, they underdevelop every single character, so you just don’t care what happens. At the end of the film if the world had blown up I would have just rolled my glazed over eyes and turned off the TV. 

To sum up, I definitely won’t be switching allegiance any time soon. And I certainly won’t be adding Justice League to my DVD collection. 

Also, the poster is ugly AF. 

Wonder Woman and Transformers: The Last Knight

http://wonderwomanfilm.com

I wasn’t going to write a review for Wonder Woman. It came out weeks ago, and since then lots of people have reviewed it in much more eloquent terms than I am able. However, I do have things to say, and after seeing the latest Transformers movie last night (haha - the last knight, last night) I felt it was about time I stopped hiding behind other people’s opinions and once again voiced my own. 

Wonder Woman first as that’s the older of the two films…

So much was riding on it. As a woman who is a fan of the superhero genre I know more than most how important this film was. And how important it was that it be good. 

Between Marvel and DC I’d certainly say that Marvel has had more success of late when it comes to the movie side of the business. DC’s films on the other hand have wavered for years. Batman has seen some great successes and some epic failures. In my opinion Man of Steel was a big steaming pile of shite, and Batman Vs Superman’s only saving grace was the introduction of Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman - Diana Prince. 

The buzz for her own movie soon overtook the mumbles about how shoddy BvS was and even put Suicide Squad in the shade.

After all of that anticipation I’m sad to say I didn’t love it. However, much like the female Ghostbusters movie, I can still see it’s value in terms of finally giving us a female lead superhero movie. 

And I want to state off the bat that my underwhelming response to Wonder Woman had nothing to do with Gal Gadot who I thought was perfectly cast as Diana, nor did it have anything to do with the opening sequences on Themyscira which were glorious. 

In all honestly I just thought it was too similar to Captain America: The First Avenger. Once we got out of Themyscira she took on a secret identity, brought a bunch of drunk rapscallions together in a pub to go on a dangerous mission to the front lines of the first world war, lost someone she loved, defeated the bad guy and ended up in the present day looking exactly the same as she did 70 years ago.

I’ve seen that movie. I liked that movie. But I’ve definitely seen it. 

As such, and as much as I hate to say this, I was a little bored by Wonder Woman.

Now, before you all lynch me, I’ve read the excerpts of the Joss Whedon Wonder Woman script and I know that everyone involved in the film, as well as the audience of millions around the world who made Wonder Woman a box office smash, dodged a massive bullet there. Wonder Woman deflected it nicely off her indestructible bracelets if you will.

I’m not saying that the movie was bad. I’m just saying it’s not the Wonder Woman story I’d have chosen to tell. 

But am I glad it was made? Yes. Am I glad it was directed by a woman? Of course I am. Will I go and see another Wonder Woman movie. Bet your god damn ass I will. 

The cast was fantastic. The costumes were divine. The sets spectacular. Everything was right with this film except the storyline, and that’s only in my one opinion. I am still so glad that the movie was made, that it has done brilliantly at the box office, and I genuinely hope it paves the way for more female superhero movies, more female directors and writers, and just more women in general. Doing what we do best*.

*For anyone in doubt, what women do best is showing men how it should be done.

http://www.transformersmovie.com

That leads me perfectly into Transformers: The Last Knight. AKA men doing everything wrong yet again. 

I have two questions for you. 1) how does Michael Bay keep getting funding to make movies? 2) why does Hollywood keep hiring Akiva fucking Goldsman?

This has to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. And that’s saying something when the above review mentioned Man of Steel. 

I can honestly say that there is nothing I like about this film. Not a single god dammed thing. 

So shall we talk about what I didn’t like? Get comfy: 

The overly sexualised 14 year old. Did she need to be pouty and crying in EVERY scene? Did she need to be running in slow motion in a low cut vest top? She is supposed to be 14 remember.  What’s worse is that I don’t know why any actress, especially knowing the sexism that Megan Fox endured on the first and second Transformers movies, would read the script for this and think yes, that is a film I want to do. Jesus girls, aim way fucking higher if only for your own self worth. 

Excusing my language there that is another gripe I have. The unnecessary amount of language in the movie. It serves no purpose whatsoever to have a sweary robot butler. In fact the robot butler in general served no purpose and I honestly have no idea why it was ever included, let alone why it made the final cut of the movie. 

It’s too long, like all of the Transformers movies before it. By the time it got to the point I’d already taken my time going for a pee because I knew I wasn’t going to miss anything. And I didn’t. The plot’s culmination was obvious from the outset and so full of holes you could have played golf on it. Add in the return of Agent Simmons, a character who was annoying in the first movie, a bunch of great actors who are totally wasted, and a sub-plot involving a woman who must be the scourge of existence because she doesn’t have a man (spoiler alert - she does by the end of the movie wink wink); and there you have the whole sorry mess that is The Last Knight. I can only hope it is the last Transformers movie too.