Why The Justice League Movie Didn’t Work... For Me

Isn’t it ironic that I was both listening to Ironic today (because I could hear my neighbour singing it really out of tune) and that my last film review over a year ago was for Wonder Woman. Which was by no means a perfect film, but which was so much better than Justice League. 

Now I’m aware that Justice League had issues from the start. Director Zack Snyder having to abandon the production for personal reasons and Joss Whedon taking over. Production that massively overran due to said unforeseen issues. And then extensive reshoots as if the production schedule wasn’t long enough. 

All of these are evident in the film, not least because of Henry Cavill’s face having been very badly CGI’d in almost EVERY scene he’s in. I mean he basically had to reshoot all of his scenes bar one it seems. That’s excessive even for a film with this many problems. 

Of course I don’t need to talk about my feelings towards Zack Snyder or Joss Whedon as I think my reviews of both Man Of Steel and Avengers: Age of Ultron speak for themselves on that front. But I do feel I have to address the elephant in the room, which is that this is basically Avengers but in the DC universe? Alien army invasion, team of heroes need to be brought together to fight the army, they don’t get on, but then (spoiler alert) they come together anyway to save mankind. There’s even a line in the movie about the team’s billionaire Tony Sta... sorry, Bruce Wayne “finally playing well with others”. Mmm where have I heard that before? 

I know it was written by the same man who wrote Avengers but come ON. That’s no excuse for him seemingly having only one idea and re-working it for a different group of heroes. 

But the main reason it didn’t work for me is the complete lack of care I felt for the characters. Not wishing to sound like a stuck record (because I’m pretty sure I said that I didn’t care about Clark/Superman in my lengthy Man of Steel review), but one of the reasons Avengers Assemble works is that you have already established most of the heroes in their own movie (not bitter about Hawkeye AT ALL). Even Black Widow, who might not have had a stand alone film, had a huge role in Iron Man 2, establishing her character straight off the bat. 

With Justice League we’ve had a Superman movie that turned the beloved character of Clark Kent into an afterthought, Batman V Superman in which the only likeable character was Wonder Woman, and a Wonder Woman movie that was basically a female version of Captain America: The First Avenger. Hardly a basis for getting to know the team before they become a team. 

In Justice League they try (and fail) to cram three other characters back stories into about half an hour of screen time (woo 10 mins each!), then the big bad shows up, Bruce tries to rally the troops but Superman is dead and everyone else apart from Barry (whom I love) hates him, then they somehow overcome their obstacles really quickly and form the team, but then the end still manages to drag on for another hour. 

They waste the Thimyscirans, they objectify Diana far too much, they underdevelop every single character, so you just don’t care what happens. At the end of the film if the world had blown up I would have just rolled my glazed over eyes and turned off the TV. 

To sum up, I definitely won’t be switching allegiance any time soon. And I certainly won’t be adding Justice League to my DVD collection. 

Also, the poster is ugly AF. 

Wonder Woman and Transformers: The Last Knight

http://wonderwomanfilm.com

I wasn’t going to write a review for Wonder Woman. It came out weeks ago, and since then lots of people have reviewed it in much more eloquent terms than I am able. However, I do have things to say, and after seeing the latest Transformers movie last night (haha - the last knight, last night) I felt it was about time I stopped hiding behind other people’s opinions and once again voiced my own. 

Wonder Woman first as that’s the older of the two films…

So much was riding on it. As a woman who is a fan of the superhero genre I know more than most how important this film was. And how important it was that it be good. 

Between Marvel and DC I’d certainly say that Marvel has had more success of late when it comes to the movie side of the business. DC’s films on the other hand have wavered for years. Batman has seen some great successes and some epic failures. In my opinion Man of Steel was a big steaming pile of shite, and Batman Vs Superman’s only saving grace was the introduction of Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman - Diana Prince. 

The buzz for her own movie soon overtook the mumbles about how shoddy BvS was and even put Suicide Squad in the shade.

After all of that anticipation I’m sad to say I didn’t love it. However, much like the female Ghostbusters movie, I can still see it’s value in terms of finally giving us a female lead superhero movie. 

And I want to state off the bat that my underwhelming response to Wonder Woman had nothing to do with Gal Gadot who I thought was perfectly cast as Diana, nor did it have anything to do with the opening sequences on Themyscira which were glorious. 

In all honestly I just thought it was too similar to Captain America: The First Avenger. Once we got out of Themyscira she took on a secret identity, brought a bunch of drunk rapscallions together in a pub to go on a dangerous mission to the front lines of the first world war, lost someone she loved, defeated the bad guy and ended up in the present day looking exactly the same as she did 70 years ago.

I’ve seen that movie. I liked that movie. But I’ve definitely seen it. 

As such, and as much as I hate to say this, I was a little bored by Wonder Woman.

Now, before you all lynch me, I’ve read the excerpts of the Joss Whedon Wonder Woman script and I know that everyone involved in the film, as well as the audience of millions around the world who made Wonder Woman a box office smash, dodged a massive bullet there. Wonder Woman deflected it nicely off her indestructible bracelets if you will.

I’m not saying that the movie was bad. I’m just saying it’s not the Wonder Woman story I’d have chosen to tell. 

But am I glad it was made? Yes. Am I glad it was directed by a woman? Of course I am. Will I go and see another Wonder Woman movie. Bet your god damn ass I will. 

The cast was fantastic. The costumes were divine. The sets spectacular. Everything was right with this film except the storyline, and that’s only in my one opinion. I am still so glad that the movie was made, that it has done brilliantly at the box office, and I genuinely hope it paves the way for more female superhero movies, more female directors and writers, and just more women in general. Doing what we do best*.

*For anyone in doubt, what women do best is showing men how it should be done.

http://www.transformersmovie.com

That leads me perfectly into Transformers: The Last Knight. AKA men doing everything wrong yet again. 

I have two questions for you. 1) how does Michael Bay keep getting funding to make movies? 2) why does Hollywood keep hiring Akiva fucking Goldsman?

This has to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. And that’s saying something when the above review mentioned Man of Steel. 

I can honestly say that there is nothing I like about this film. Not a single god dammed thing. 

So shall we talk about what I didn’t like? Get comfy: 

The overly sexualised 14 year old. Did she need to be pouty and crying in EVERY scene? Did she need to be running in slow motion in a low cut vest top? She is supposed to be 14 remember.  What’s worse is that I don’t know why any actress, especially knowing the sexism that Megan Fox endured on the first and second Transformers movies, would read the script for this and think yes, that is a film I want to do. Jesus girls, aim way fucking higher if only for your own self worth. 

Excusing my language there that is another gripe I have. The unnecessary amount of language in the movie. It serves no purpose whatsoever to have a sweary robot butler. In fact the robot butler in general served no purpose and I honestly have no idea why it was ever included, let alone why it made the final cut of the movie. 

It’s too long, like all of the Transformers movies before it. By the time it got to the point I’d already taken my time going for a pee because I knew I wasn’t going to miss anything. And I didn’t. The plot’s culmination was obvious from the outset and so full of holes you could have played golf on it. Add in the return of Agent Simmons, a character who was annoying in the first movie, a bunch of great actors who are totally wasted, and a sub-plot involving a woman who must be the scourge of existence because she doesn’t have a man (spoiler alert - she does by the end of the movie wink wink); and there you have the whole sorry mess that is The Last Knight. I can only hope it is the last Transformers movie too.

Sweet Dreams are made of this

As mentioned in my last post, here is the dream I had a few weeks before meeting Jeremy at LFCC...

I wasn't sure how I was walking, my whole body was convulsing with shakes. If it weren't for Sam supporting my arm and propelling us both forward I was sure I'd be sitting on the floor rocking back and forth in a puddle of my own pee. We were through the door now and I could see him. He was wearing a suit. I wasn't expecting that, I thought he'd be dressed more casually. He turned around when he heard us enter the small studio room and a beautiful smile broke across his face. That perfectly rugged face. Don't pass out, don't pass out.

I wasn't aware of Sam letting go of me, I seemed to be floating towards him now. He held his right hand out to me as I approached the desk he'd been sitting at.

"Hi, you must be Kath, Sam's told me all about you." He gestured towards the second empty seat at the desk.

"Oh god." I whispered, not thinking she'd said anything bad, just trying to process the fact that he was speaking to me. I didn't think he'd heard.

"It was all good I promise." He chuckled, and the sound reverberated through me. I was grateful of the chair.

I was aware I was still holding his hand. "I'm sorry!" I said as I let go.

"Don't be. It's all good mama."

Oh god!!! He called me Mama. Did he? Or did my brain just make that up? I tried to be more human and less like a weird, unspeaking, shaking and sweaty mess. I thought I might be sick.

I swallowed and tried to think of something intelligent to say.

"Can I shake your hand?" Is what tumbled out of my mouth instead.

"Sure." He held out his right hand which confused me. He could obviously tell as he followed that with "I shake with the right, left shakes just throw people."

An entirely filthy image entered my mind then and I grabbed that hand and held onto it for much longer than I should have. I wasn't really shaking it either, just sort of stroking it with my thumb and trying to force myself to remember what it felt like, the weight of it, the smoothness in parts and callousness in others.

"Shall we take the picture or do you need another minute with my hand?" He chuckled again and had the filthiest grin on his face. He knew exactly what he'd said.

I looked over at Sam sitting behind another desk. She was trying not to laugh.

I reluctantly let him go. "I'm good. Lead the way."

We stood up from the desk and made our way to the backdrop. I was so grateful to Sam for arranging this private shoot for me.

"Do you have a specific pose in mind?" He asked, stopping on the marked position on the floor and turning to face me.

"Just hold me."

"You got it mama." He opened his arms and I stepped forward into my moment of bliss.

I didn't get a 'mama' on the day but ironically Sam did. Maybe next time I'll get one too. Oh, and the calloused hand from the dream? Not at all in real life. His hand was smooth as silk. And very warm.

Adventures In Fangirling - LFCC Day 2

Day 2 of our crazy LFCC Renner weekend began with a catsuit, and ended (for one of us Rennerwomen) in tragedy. 

I had decided in my infinite wisdom that it would be a good idea to recreate the below 'budapest' scene from Avengers for my photoshoot with Jeremy. I figured that I could take Jeremy the bow and "arrows" I used for my Catniss cosplay, and if I couldn't speak to explain what I wanted, I could simply show him the image and hope he understood what I wanted to do. 

However, a couple of weeks prior to the event, I had a dream that I'd been unable to attend the photoshoot, and that my friend Sam, who in the dream was Jeremy's assistant, had arranged a private meeting with Jeremy (and a photographer) so that I could finally get my picture. It's only now, after what happened that day that I see this as something of an omen, just not for me. 

I typed up the dream at the time and forwarded it to Sam in the hope that not only would it make her smile to have featured so prominently in my subconscious world, but also in the hope that it would give her some much needed strength. I hoped it would allow her to see that we all had the same fears, and nerves, as ultimately in the dream she was the much stronger of the two of us, and helped me get through the experience. Much like on the day itself, although I had several friends who helped me through the weekend overall because I'm a super lucky lady like that.

Anyway, I'll post the dream after so you can all have a chuckle at how pathetic and hopeless I truly felt in the weeks leading up to meeting Mr Renner.

So because of the dream (which you'll understand when you read it), I had pretty much abandoned the idea of posing with Renner, and especially as I hadn't been able to get a hug the day before (despite my GIANT birthday girl badge) I wanted a hug. Just once. And so it had to be in our photoshoot. 

I wore the catsuit anyway. It was the only clothing I'd brought with me so I kind of had to, and I figured it would make for some cool photos anyway.

Thankfully the catsuit did make it feel a lot less like my dream, as I had been dressed normally in that; although as we queued for our pics Sam was directly behind me (as she had been in the dream), although this time she didn't have to push me - which I'm sure she was grateful for.

The queuing was over in no time, the pictures are taken so fast, I barely had enough time to pass on a fan letter to Kris (Jeremy's business partner) and take a deep breath before it was my turn. I very quickly asked Jeremy for a "full on hug" and told him it was my birthday recently, he said of course and grabbed me into a bear hug. I dimly recall saying "you really do give the best hugs" and I started to float away, then he took me by both shoulders, looked me in the eye and said "Happy birthday baby". I was in a total daze. I almost forgot to pick up my picture and then had a sudden moment of horror when I thought, I don't think I even looked at the camera! I was convinced the picture was just going to be me, snuggled into Jeremy, heaving a great sigh as he held me for a few seconds. 

I didn't even see Sam get her picture taken and she was right behind me in the queue. I waited what seemed like an eternity for my picture to come out and then there it was. I did look at the camera, and I don't think I've ever liked a picture of me as much as I love this one. 

You'll have to excuse the quality. I haven't gotten my digital copy of it yet. But look at those faces. Gosh it's sad how happy this man makes me.

Still feeling euphoric from my Renner pic experience, I suddenly remembered the reason I had signed up for Comic Con this year! Harold! We made our way through the crowds and found his autograph queue virtually empty. I quickly paid my £20 (thanks for remembering to get cash out Donna!), and waited my turn. When I got to the front I was again thankful of my decision to wear the catsuit as he asked me who my Avengers character was and proudly told me he'd just watched Iron Man the other night. Seriously Feige, get this guy in a Marvel movie stat! I told him I'd just met his friend Jeremy (as they are buddies in real life and have worked together a couple of times), and I showed him my picture of the two of us. I encouraged Sam to come over so we could tell him how much we loved The Unusuals, and how sad we were that it got cancelled. He shook my hand and happily stepped out from his desk to take a picture with me. Such a sweetheart of a man. If anyone gets the chance to see him at another event like this I would highly recommend it. He was so genuine and lovely. 

But unfortunately the day couldn't go completely without a hitch. Our friend who was coming for an afternoon photoshoot dressed as the human car crash known as Hawkguy (Clint Barton in the Fraction/Aja comics), actually had a real car crash right outside the event. As a result she couldn't come in to get her photo as she had to go to hospital with a broken wrist! 

Knowing how we would all feel if that were to happen to any of us we clubbed together and bought her a get well autograph from Jeremy. We told him what had happened and he was obviously concerned (as was Kris) and they asked if she was okay. I know the autograph won't make up for what happened but I think it at least made her smile. 

I just want to sign off by saying a huge thank you to everyone who supported me this weekend, everyone who came, who took pictures, all of the new awesome Rennerwomen I met, all of the people who have listened to me relentlessly go on about this (before and after it happened) and to Jeremy and Harold for being tremendous human beings. I love all of you guys, you're awesome. 

Adventures In Fangirling - LFCC Day 1

The last time I put type to screen about my fangirling it was about a year and 3 months ago. I had just come back from the Avengers: Age of Ultron premiere and I'd had a terrible day that had turned itself around. You can read about it here; and the prelude to that day, where this adventure all began is here.

I had been hoping to have something to report after the Captain America: Civil War premiere in April but unfortunately that was a terrible day that never improved.

We'd gone up to London 2 days previous to the date of the premiere to collect wrist bands for the event (as for some reason the event organisers felt this was a better idea than giving them out on the day). We left at the crack of dawn on the day, and were subsequently pushed so far back that not only did I not get a decent picture of Jeremy (below was the best one), I couldn't even see him. A second autograph was definitely out of the question.

I left feeling tired, frustrated and completely let down by the whole day. Unsure of when I would be able to see Jeremy again I tried to put it out of my mind. The one good thing about the day was that I had the good fortune to meet yet another lovely Rennerlady, and our little band of 4 premiere-goers subsequently went as a group to go and see Civil War a few weeks later.

I had just started a new job in April too, so I had that to concentrate on, and a busy few months ahead. Then in mid June I decided to book tickets for my best friend and I to go to London Film and Comic Con on Sunday 31st July, as part of a belated birthday weekend for me (as it was my birthday on the 26th July). I made that decision based on Harold Perrineau appearing as a guest, as an autograph or photo with him was only £20, and I've liked him since I saw Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet.

At the end of June came the announcement that Jeremy would be joining the star guests at this year's event. My excitement hit peak level (or so I thought). I was due at a friend's birthday party on the night the announcement came in, and was characteristically late because I'd been sitting at home in a bit of a daze after purchasing my diamond pass which allowed me a photo with Jeremy, a ticket to his talk and an autograph.

We arrived rather late on the day and so I went straight in to get my autograph. I'd opted to take my Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation poster with me which I'd been sent by the film's director Chris McQuarrie, after myself and 3 of my 'Rennerlady' friends had done an impromptu location hunt for the London locations in the movie. You can read about that here. He'd been kind enough to send posters for all four of us that he and Tom Cruise had signed, and now I wanted to add Jeremy's signature to that too. 

I waited in line with my friend and when I was finally standing in front of Jeremy I started telling him he'd already signed one of those today (as my friend who also received one had already been in for her autograph on the same poster). I quickly realised however that I wouldn't have time to tell him how I came by the poster, so I asked to shake his hand and told him it was a pleasure to meet him. On my way out I made sure to say bye to his business partner Kris who was sitting on the sidelines watching the proceedings.

When I got outside to my waiting friends I was shaking like a leaf, but I do now have Jeremy's signature on my poster, which I would not have been able to get any other way.

Next up was the talk, which sadly unlike conventions in the US we were not allowed to film at. Jeremy was quite animated throughout and answered each fan question as though it was the first time he'd been asked "what other Avenger would you like to be?" I had planned to ask a question about his tattoo, as I'd been curious as to when he got it, but as the time dwindled I found my hand was still not in the air. After a few not so subtle prompts from my bestie and the Rennerlady on my left, I eventually mustered the courage to put my hand up. And in a strange twist of luck, because the lady behind me managed to ask a question, she handed the mic straight to me after and I finally got my chance. 

Being the short ass that I am, Jeremy couldn't see me in the audience so they asked me to stand up. My legs were shaking as I told Jeremy my question was frivolous, to which he told me he would give me a frivolous answer. The interviewer on stage with him joked that I 'knew all his tattoos' because I'd said that the one in Senior Trip, although being in the same place as his own Renner crest tattoo, didn't look to be the same, and I wanted to know if it was a cover up or if he'd not yet gotten his tattoo when that film was made. I informed the interviewer that he only had one (to my knowledge) and I resumed my seat. Jeremy said he didn't remember but he didn't think it was a cover up as he only got his tattoo in 94/95. Good enough for me. 

We grabbed some lunch after the talk and accompanied our friend to her first photoshoot of the weekend. Understandably she was a little shaken up afterwards, but her picture was adorable and immediately made me wish I'd signed up for an additional shoot. Mainly because I was worried that the one I had booked for the day after would be terrible. Why had I made the decision to go in my Black Widow costume?

We posed for a couple of pictures, went for a cuppa before our separate trips home, and then very quickly started to droop after dinner. 

More from Day 2 tomorrow...